I think that about ten years either way is no biggie.

More than that and it will probably be more difficult.

I'm a typical stereotype in that I dated older men when I was younger and then at about mid thirties started liking younger guys.

Older women/younger men seems really in vogue now.

hi A,

of course, without knowing either you or your young man personally, it's hard to analyze what's up. but, i can hazard a guess, being a guy, and remembering lo those many years ago when i was 29, what i felt and what was up psychologically.

after i first returned from BM, i was a little tweaked too. my sweetheart thought she was going to lose me by my going, perhaps for the reasons that you're alluding to right now, i.e., the feeling of disconnect from real life after a bigger-than-life event, and all those naked young things running around the desert. so, i came back, and needed to digest the experience i'd just had. but, i was in my 40's and could digest fast and well. (when i told my sweetheart that i had actually turned down the offer of sex from a pretty young woman, she knew that i truly loved her and was not going anywhere.) your young man of 29 may not be able to understand the relationship of real life to fantasy life yet - you have to be used to real, dare i say, boring life, before you're in a position to internalize a huge fantasy life that few of us will have everyday.

in other words, i think he's depressed because he's still comparing the dream of burning man, and all the lofty ideals, to his day-to-day work work work life - dull, boring, monotonous, and seemingly lasting forever. definitely a cause for depression! when i was 29, i was more idealistic too. i have not lost my idealism in my 50's, i just know where the limits are now. :-)

in terms of your relationship with this man at this place in his life, i can only hazard another guess. if i had to say something about it, i'd say if you feel he's someone you could spend a lot of time with, and could see yourself with him into the future, i'd let him know you love him, let him know you'll support his struggle right now, be with him when he's available, and stay away when he's in psychological throes. "let him fly away and see if he comes back to you". it all depends on both of your ideas about this relationship, and how much of a chance you're willing to take.

i hope i've come even mildly close in this haphazard guesswsork! and, this is just my viewpoint, certainly not the voice of assuredness. i do hope that it works out for you both. but, as the 40 year old, you're the one who'll know better how it's going, and if there's a chance for more in the future, or if he's just not available anymore ...

-sherm